We're All Sorry - Kaleb McKenna explains the male fashion psyche
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A Kesha song hits, you vaguely know the words and dance along on one of those “let’s just go out and have fun” all girl nights out. The agreement to all stick together is slowly becoming unglued, as your friends now appear more interested in receiving male attention and less interested in a celebration of “waking up in the morning looking like P. Diddy”.
Suddenly, you make eye contact with the only male on the dance floor who seemingly knows more words than you. Maybe he’s a little bearded, doesn’t have the greatest body but still he’s genuinely having fun and could very well be your oasis in the dance floor desert. Then you see what he’s wearing and alas, he turns into a mirage.
You see he’s just another victim of the dreaded All Purpose Going Out Outfit or APGOO for short (keep up acronyms are a thing now, see YOLO for further details). APGOO has plagued the male species since the dawn of dress codes and we’ve all seen it in the flesh.
The jeans may not be bad but coupled with a business shirt that doesn’t quite look the same untucked and jet black work shoes. the outfit on the whole, quickly becomes a clunky mess.
But APGOO, although off putting to the naked eye, does have a valid reason to exist and may not indicate that this male is stylistically challenged. Believe me, most times he knows he looks like shit but he just never had a choice.
What night spots need the most is reputation. Reputation is always enhanced when the ratio between the genders is close to equal and not resembling a festival of sausage. Therefore these clubs need women to come through the door even if their dress standards don’t quite meet those the club is trying to portray. That is not an option for men.
Every young male has been a part of the makings of a great night; the perfect level of boozy pres, the cushy lift in, the flirtatious text messages from someone already inside. However this is all quickly stolen away from them when some steroid induced bouncer named Larry doesn’t think they should be inside because someone’s $250 boat shoes look “slightly casual”. Or it’s the colour of someone’s jeans or the pattern on a shirt; it can be a one of a million things which results in that young man finding himself in some dive bar which caters more for his mother’s mid-life crisis, recently divorced girlfriends than him.
So, out of a fear of missing out (or FOMO, for those of you playing along at home) we as men decided to wave the white flag to Larry and his gang of doorkeeper warlords and let them win. We wear an APGOO just to get in the building in the hope that our superior knowledge of Kesha lyrics can help us find someone special. We are sorry for the terribly inoffensive unmatching clothes and hopefully with the increase of dressy chinos this problem can be alleviated. But please, don’t judge us until you’ve walked the length of the dance floor in our square toed work shoes.
By Kaleb McKenna